[It's not immediate, but the question still slips out of her before she has a chance to stop herself. It's the sort of question maybe she shouldn't ask, the sort of question that's too intrusive, but it's already been asked, so all she can really do is offer some sort of rationale:] I've... I was looking for a way to leave my world for a long time before all this. The guy who promised to help me never managed it.
[If he hasn't realized it already, Wave's face gives away a lot of what she's thinking. In this instance, he'll see the moment she realizes what he's saying--is that an offer...?--followed by the surprise that hits her like a brick wall, then a softening of her expression to a little soft smile, even as her gaze drifts away from him for a moment. Finally, she brings her eyes back to him, shaking her head.]
That wasn't why I was asking. Momo already told me we don't have to go back if we don't want to.
I just wanted to know how long Dusk had been lying to me about not being able to do it.
[ He smiles, more real than the smiles she's usually seen from him. ]
It's hard to say. Most magic users will have their magic completely wiped out by sending themselves or someone else to another world. That's why it's so complicated. It uses up a significant portion of one's reserves.
So it isn't so much the spell as it is the magic needed to power it? [Wave considers it.] I don't think that part would have been as much of an issue; when they're casting big spells, Veloi mages in Coriolis can tap into the power of the trees for more raw energy.
[It still hasn't lost its novelty, that knowledge; just like every other time, it fills her with a sense of buoyancy and warmth, and it might be obvious to Fai in that moment that even though Wave's smiles are by and large genuine, they're often just surface-level. But knowing she can do what she wants now? It'll be a long time before that stops giving her that rush.]
I haven't decided what I'll do yet. There are a few places I visited before that I could go back to, but I wouldn't mind going someplace new, either. I like going to new places and seeing new things.
Seeing new things and meeting new people has been a bright spot of traveling across worlds, to tell you the truth. I’d be happy to give you names of places, should you be able to wander about.
[ He smiles, the warmth in his eyes matching the warmth reflected in her smile. Traveling really has been a benefit to him despite everything else about it that he can’t help but be excited for her. ]
[Hey, does it feel like someone just walked over Fai's grave? Because he's just crossed into dangerous territory. Wave's smile fades from her face, an eyebrow lifting as she looks at him.]
Is that really what's best for them, or is that what you've decided is best for them?
He's been called out, hasn't he? He looks at Wave with surprise before finally letting out a sigh. ]
No, you're right. It's what I've decided is best for them.
[ The theme this week is honesty and he's tired, so he decides to expand upon that. ]
I tend to bring trouble to the people I'm closest to. I'm worried that my involvement in their lives will only bring them pain.
[ It's why he was so hesitant to accept his own feelings for Kaeya too. Everything tangles up together into this mass of connections that he's terrified to have. ]
Is it really worth it? I'm cursed. I'll cause anyone who gets too close to go insane.
[ He clenches his fists. That's the ugly truth of it, and the way Fai bites his bottom lip betrays his conviction. He really, really believes it to be true. ]
[She opens her mouth to respond, but Wave stops herself before she says anything, noting the way his fists are clenched, the way he's biting his lip. He believes it, and she believes him, but...]
Who told you that? Maybe you should ask yourself what they had to gain if you thought that was true.
Keeping you from forming meaningful connections with other people.
[💁♀️]
You've got enough magic to send people to other worlds without needing to tap into something else, right? That's a lot of power for one person to wield. If the people around you made sure you would shy away from making connections with other people, that closes a lot of paths for you to learn things that might lead to you acting in a different way than they were expecting. It makes you more malleable to be what they want.
[She glances away, out toward the rest of the resort.]
Let me guess. There's someone that promised they'd help you, and you trusted them, because they're one of the only people that know the truth and if you told anyone else, they'd treat you differently. Sometimes they make a weird choice that doesn't seem like it will actually help you, but if you ask about it they always have a reason for why it's the best course of action. And they sound so reasonable when saying it that you wind up second-guessing yourself, because they've said they're going to help you...
[ A conflicted look passes over his face as he looks at Wave and tries to decide what he should divulge. ]
When I was younger, I was stuck. I was presented a solution that came with a lot of sacrifice. In order to get out of my situation, I had to follow a set of rules. That same person cursed me. It was all under the pretense of being helped, of getting out, but...
...but they were taking advantage of you. They could have helped you without needing to do any of that, but they chose to fuck you up to further their own goals instead.
[She sighs. That sunlight doesn't feel quite as warm anymore.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You can do that sort of thing?
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[ He smiles. ]
I don't use it often, though. It's a complicated spell.
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[It's not immediate, but the question still slips out of her before she has a chance to stop herself. It's the sort of question maybe she shouldn't ask, the sort of question that's too intrusive, but it's already been asked, so all she can really do is offer some sort of rationale:] I've... I was looking for a way to leave my world for a long time before all this. The guy who promised to help me never managed it.
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I've done it before. I should have more than enough magic to send you somewhere, but you need to be absolutely sure about your decision.
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That wasn't why I was asking. Momo already told me we don't have to go back if we don't want to.
I just wanted to know how long Dusk had been lying to me about not being able to do it.
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[ He smiles, more real than the smiles she's usually seen from him. ]
It's hard to say. Most magic users will have their magic completely wiped out by sending themselves or someone else to another world. That's why it's so complicated. It uses up a significant portion of one's reserves.
[ But Fai? He'd be fine. ]
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[ As a wizard, that intrigues him. But he knows now is not the time for that. ]
It seems like they didn’t want you to leave, in that case.
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The joke's on him now, though.
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You’re free to do as you please now.
[ While he doesn’t know the reason why she wanted to leave her world or why she was trapped, he’s still happy that she’ll get what she wants. ]
Do you know where you’ll go?
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[It still hasn't lost its novelty, that knowledge; just like every other time, it fills her with a sense of buoyancy and warmth, and it might be obvious to Fai in that moment that even though Wave's smiles are by and large genuine, they're often just surface-level. But knowing she can do what she wants now? It'll be a long time before that stops giving her that rush.]
I haven't decided what I'll do yet. There are a few places I visited before that I could go back to, but I wouldn't mind going someplace new, either. I like going to new places and seeing new things.
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[ He smiles, the warmth in his eyes matching the warmth reflected in her smile. Traveling really has been a benefit to him despite everything else about it that he can’t help but be excited for her. ]
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What about you? What are you planning to do once everything's over here?
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[ He smiles wearily. ]
I travel with companions, but I’d prefer to leave them be, since that’s what best for them.
[ With his role in everything… he should step back. It really is for the best. ]
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Is that really what's best for them, or is that what you've decided is best for them?
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He's been called out, hasn't he? He looks at Wave with surprise before finally letting out a sigh. ]
No, you're right. It's what I've decided is best for them.
[ The theme this week is honesty and he's tired, so he decides to expand upon that. ]
I tend to bring trouble to the people I'm closest to. I'm worried that my involvement in their lives will only bring them pain.
[ It's why he was so hesitant to accept his own feelings for Kaeya too. Everything tangles up together into this mass of connections that he's terrified to have. ]
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So you're choosing the brand of selfishness that spares yourself having to feel guilty later if something does happen.
[It's sharp, but her voice isn't intentionally harsh. It's just a fact, the way she sees it.]
From someone who's been on the other side of that situation? I'd take whatever pain came from it. I'd make that choice a hundred times over.
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[ He clenches his fists. That's the ugly truth of it, and the way Fai bites his bottom lip betrays his conviction. He really, really believes it to be true. ]
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Who told you that? Maybe you should ask yourself what they had to gain if you thought that was true.
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I don't know what any of them would have had to gain by that point.
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[💁♀️]
You've got enough magic to send people to other worlds without needing to tap into something else, right? That's a lot of power for one person to wield. If the people around you made sure you would shy away from making connections with other people, that closes a lot of paths for you to learn things that might lead to you acting in a different way than they were expecting. It makes you more malleable to be what they want.
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He looks at her, eyes wide with shock. ]
I... I've never thought of it that way.
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[She glances away, out toward the rest of the resort.]
Let me guess. There's someone that promised they'd help you, and you trusted them, because they're one of the only people that know the truth and if you told anyone else, they'd treat you differently. Sometimes they make a weird choice that doesn't seem like it will actually help you, but if you ask about it they always have a reason for why it's the best course of action. And they sound so reasonable when saying it that you wind up second-guessing yourself, because they've said they're going to help you...
Any of that sound familiar?
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[ A conflicted look passes over his face as he looks at Wave and tries to decide what he should divulge. ]
When I was younger, I was stuck. I was presented a solution that came with a lot of sacrifice. In order to get out of my situation, I had to follow a set of rules. That same person cursed me. It was all under the pretense of being helped, of getting out, but...
[ It left him a mess. ]
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[She sighs. That sunlight doesn't feel quite as warm anymore.]
I'm sorry. It's awful.
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