[Being selfish is only human. He can't admonish her for that and wouldn't if he wanted to because he understands what it feels like to lose such a precious connection. There's no bringing that person back, no changing the past, and he considers what she says carefully while carding his fingers through her hair. He lets the silence drag on, if only to place himself in her shoes for a moment.]
So it goes. When you find that precious person, who cares what happens to the rest of the world? Or worlds, in your case.
[And that doesn't make Wave a bad person, or perhaps they're both bad for being of like mind on this. Regardless—]
Have you ever thought to look for another?
[Someone else to love, someone else precious. Kaeya asks, but he isn't expecting any particular answer. Hell knows he can't judge when he's reluctant to look for such things himself.]
[Now it's Wave's turn to let the silence drag, eyes wandering as she thinks about it. The answer's no, but not for the reason one would normally expect--and that's a can of worms she's not entirely sure she wants to open quite yet. But it's hard for her not to answer a question asked, and she does want to answer, just...
Wave sighs, closing her eyes against the truth for a moment before she speaks.]
It would've been impossible on my own world. There's nobody there who'd see me for who I really am. So I guess I'd given up on finding anyone else for a long time.
But coming here... I think I could. I'd like that.
[Stop being so painfully relatable, Wave. There are a number of reasons why Kaeya hadn't ever sought out love, some of that being an inability to see how he could ever be with anyone back home knowing what the weight of his secrets would do to their potential relationship... but coming here has leveled the playing field a bit. If he can see it that way, surely Wave can too.]
Then why not start looking in earnest? Don't tell me you're afraid.
[She laughs--not a happy laugh, given their talk, but...]
Of course I am.
[Sorry Kaeya, you're losing your lap pillow. Wave carefully slides her legs out from beneath him, worming her way down so she can curl up beside him and rest her head on his chest. Her turn, because apparently he's going to pull this out of her and it's easier to admit when she's not looking directly at him.]
There are a lot of people out there that aren't honest about who they are. They'll pretend they're a good person as long as someone's looking at them, but as soon as you look away they start pulling everyone's strings. And before you know it, they're doing it to you, too.
[Wave scores points for being more honest than himself, but her answer is nothing he can delight in. He's grown rather fond of Wave, and hearing the hell she's been through, the hell she continues to go through, tugs uncomfortably at his heart. It's the type of feeling he's so prone to running from, an itch working its way under his skin... but he'll endure it for now. Ignore it outright.
When Wave shifts to lie against him, Kaeya curls into her, loops his arms around her. This is better, isn't it? She ought to feel supported at moments like these.
Still... hearing what she has to say? Kaeya wants to laugh. He's the last person who should be holding her, offering her comfort.]
...Well then, you'd better not turn your back on me.
[You won't like the sight you're treated to when you turn back around.]
[It's much better, lying like this, and she's grateful that Kaeya's willing to indulge her in it. It's a feeling she's missed, being held--feeling safe. But he'll be able to feel the way she shakes her head, looping one of her arms around him in return.]
You apologized for teasing me about the elevators. The kind of person I'm talking about, he exploited that fear. And then he turned around to try and convince me it was for my own safety.
[And he'd definitely never apologized.]
I'm not afraid of the person you are. I knew from the first day what I was getting into.
[The kind of person he is? He's an ass, Wave. But just because he was willing to put Wave's comfort first in one regard doesn't mean he would in another. Who knows what he might do to her on the battlefield? He can't promise he wouldn't delight in seeing the fear in her eyes after narrowly avoiding a fatal blow... but that's supposing she'd go into battle with him, which she'd no doubt have to were she to spend any length of time with him in Mondstadt.
Vexing. He shouldn't be pushing Wave like this, not when she's been nothing but accepting of who he is, but that's what scares Kaeya. Unsettles him. No one here is supposed to like him, the true him. He shouldn't want that for himself either, and so he'll continue to push.]
Did you? Just what kind of man do you think I am, Wave? I can almost guarantee we're of two different minds.
You sure you want to ask that? You might not like the answer you get.
[But she shifts so that she can look up to him nonetheless, resting her chin on her hand. Maybe she's wrong in her interpretation of him, but she wants to see the way he responds here, whether he meets her gaze or looks away. Kaeya's a good liar, better than most, but she's lived these past two years discerning the subtle changes in a man's tone and inflection. She wants to see.
But first she has to put her read of him into words, and that's almost always easier said than done.]
You're the kind of person that hides in plain sight. There's the "you" that you show the rest of the world, the flirty playful Kaeya, but that's not all of who you are. That's just how you keep people at arm's length, because if they get any closer than that they might see the darker parts of you that you try to keep hidden from the rest of the world.
[She narrows her eyes a bit in consideration.] I think you're angry, underneath it all. I don't know everything you've gone through, but I think there's something that happened that you feel like you're still paying for, or that you'll have to pay for. And you resent that. It comes out sometimes, right? Like with how you treat your recruits back home. [Like the girl he'd sent for coffee.] You like to push them and make them uncomfortable. It's a way you can act on that anger without anyone realizing why you're pushing them the way you do. But you're also scared that if someone gets close enough to see that side of you, you'll either drag them down with you and hurt them--and that if you do hurt them, you won't care--or they'll leave you instead.
So tell me, how far off am I from what you really think?
[He said he could almost guarantee they were of two different minds... well, there's hers.]
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no subject
So it goes. When you find that precious person, who cares what happens to the rest of the world? Or worlds, in your case.
[And that doesn't make Wave a bad person, or perhaps they're both bad for being of like mind on this. Regardless—]
Have you ever thought to look for another?
[Someone else to love, someone else precious. Kaeya asks, but he isn't expecting any particular answer. Hell knows he can't judge when he's reluctant to look for such things himself.]
no subject
Wave sighs, closing her eyes against the truth for a moment before she speaks.]
It would've been impossible on my own world. There's nobody there who'd see me for who I really am. So I guess I'd given up on finding anyone else for a long time.
But coming here... I think I could. I'd like that.
no subject
Then why not start looking in earnest? Don't tell me you're afraid.
no subject
Of course I am.
[Sorry Kaeya, you're losing your lap pillow. Wave carefully slides her legs out from beneath him, worming her way down so she can curl up beside him and rest her head on his chest. Her turn, because apparently he's going to pull this out of her and it's easier to admit when she's not looking directly at him.]
There are a lot of people out there that aren't honest about who they are. They'll pretend they're a good person as long as someone's looking at them, but as soon as you look away they start pulling everyone's strings. And before you know it, they're doing it to you, too.
no subject
When Wave shifts to lie against him, Kaeya curls into her, loops his arms around her. This is better, isn't it? She ought to feel supported at moments like these.
Still... hearing what she has to say? Kaeya wants to laugh. He's the last person who should be holding her, offering her comfort.]
...Well then, you'd better not turn your back on me.
[You won't like the sight you're treated to when you turn back around.]
no subject
You apologized for teasing me about the elevators. The kind of person I'm talking about, he exploited that fear. And then he turned around to try and convince me it was for my own safety.
[And he'd definitely never apologized.]
I'm not afraid of the person you are. I knew from the first day what I was getting into.
no subject
Vexing. He shouldn't be pushing Wave like this, not when she's been nothing but accepting of who he is, but that's what scares Kaeya. Unsettles him. No one here is supposed to like him, the true him. He shouldn't want that for himself either, and so he'll continue to push.]
Did you? Just what kind of man do you think I am, Wave? I can almost guarantee we're of two different minds.
no subject
[But she shifts so that she can look up to him nonetheless, resting her chin on her hand. Maybe she's wrong in her interpretation of him, but she wants to see the way he responds here, whether he meets her gaze or looks away. Kaeya's a good liar, better than most, but she's lived these past two years discerning the subtle changes in a man's tone and inflection. She wants to see.
But first she has to put her read of him into words, and that's almost always easier said than done.]
You're the kind of person that hides in plain sight. There's the "you" that you show the rest of the world, the flirty playful Kaeya, but that's not all of who you are. That's just how you keep people at arm's length, because if they get any closer than that they might see the darker parts of you that you try to keep hidden from the rest of the world.
[She narrows her eyes a bit in consideration.] I think you're angry, underneath it all. I don't know everything you've gone through, but I think there's something that happened that you feel like you're still paying for, or that you'll have to pay for. And you resent that. It comes out sometimes, right? Like with how you treat your recruits back home. [Like the girl he'd sent for coffee.] You like to push them and make them uncomfortable. It's a way you can act on that anger without anyone realizing why you're pushing them the way you do. But you're also scared that if someone gets close enough to see that side of you, you'll either drag them down with you and hurt them--and that if you do hurt them, you won't care--or they'll leave you instead.
So tell me, how far off am I from what you really think?
[He said he could almost guarantee they were of two different minds... well, there's hers.]